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Roasting your roasts: the highs and lows of celeb Christmas dinners

Written Thea Suer

After a marathon of 24 advent chocolates, copious mince pies and mulled wines, there’s only one sleep until we reach the finish line: The Christmas dinner. I have collated and rated the best and worst of British Youtuber Christmas dinners. Be warned, many are far from sleigh…

Zoe Sugg and Alfie Deyes

Straight off the bat, I love the colour on this plate. From what I can see there are four pigs in blankets - yippee! The soft broccoli looks great but where are the stalks? Waste not want not. Carrot discs are an elite shape but they look to be boiled instead of roasted; a choice which may have elevated this. On to the stuffing, and it looks delectable. However, I think that the gravy is its Achilles heel, looking quite thin and watery. From what I can see, the parsnips could also be slightly browner. I very much hope Joe is not on chopping duties this year given his fainting episode on The Great British Bake Off. Of course, though Alfie strenuously denies that he’s a Tory, I’m sure most of this is sourced from Waitrose so it probably did taste lush.

Rating: 7/10

Lewys Ball (LookingforLewys)

I am lost for words. This roast is almost as tragic as that smushed tangerine at the bottom of your stocking. The only thing I can commend are the two Yorkshire puddings. However, I must minus points as they are completely starkers with not a droplet of gravy in sight.

Beans shouldn’t touch turkey with a 10 foot pole; this is not the time for a full English. I think the ketchup and beans would have too a similar taste. Why not go for mayo perhaps? The turkey looks dry but is a good colour. Overall, the fact that Heinz has curated 50% of this meal doesn’t sit right with me. I hope he got a lot of hate for this to be honest.

Rating: -1000/10

Olivia Neill

Now, I’m not quite sure where to start with this abomination of a Christmas dinner, if you could even call it that. Olivia Neill tops Santa’s naughty list this year. Her Christmas dinner is almost as fascinating as her beef with Flossie. First off, we start with the mash. In my opinion, boiled potatoes (along with mash) are the worst form of potato. Next, in a clockwise fashion, we move to the carrots. I like the length and width of the batons and that is about it. I see minimal amounts of charring on the carrots so they must need much longer in the oven and, by the colour, I am assuming they are not honey glazed. Now on to the main event: veggie dippers. I respect the vegetarian roast dinner. I could in fact be persuaded by a nut roast this year. They look a nice golden brown and certainly add a contrasting texture to the soft mash. Finally we come to the most controversial element of any Christmas dinner – the sprouts. They looked to have had ample time in the oven and I think ketchup is the best condiment for sprouts. But I think the ratios are off; the sprouts take up too much room on the plate where there could be parsnips or a Yorkshire pudding. The absence of gravy is deafening and the vegetables look painfully under seasoned. Absolutely no compliments to the chef.

Rating: 0/10

Saffron Barker

Now onto Saffy B, one of my Youtube guilty pleasures. Firstly, on the right I see sausages, not pigs in blankets, which is slightly questionable. The roasties and potatoes look a nice golden brown and I like that the turkey is pre-cut into smaller bits so no messing around or faffing required. I think I can see some parsnips lurking in the back so a big thumbs up to that. But the plate is looking a bit yellowy-beige and there are no greens in the vicinity. Her tongue in this is annoying me too, so negative points for that. I do rather like her Christmas outfit though, and her brother is sexy so she may just manage to claw it back.

Rating: 5.5/10

Anastasia Kingsnorth

I think the ratios of the different foods on this plate are great. The gravy stands out to me, looking lovely and thick. I also think that the turkey looks a nice tender pink. Sweetcorn is an unusual choice at Christmas but admittedly I love it, especially with gravy. Unfortunately, the sprouts look soggy but, let’s be honest, they taste terrible soggy or not. The stuffing slightly resembles male genitalia to be quite frank. As I have expressed in Olivia’s review, I do not like mash, but prepping and serving up two different types of potato is quite remarkable. The lack of pigs in blankets repulses me. As Jack Grealish would say, it’s the best thing since sliced veg.

Rating: 6/10

To conclude, these celeb Xmas dinners all had their Santa flaws and (ding dong merrily on) highs! But most were really quite shocking. I think what surprises me the most is that none of these Youtubers have opted for cranberry sauce, red cabbage or bread sauce. Disastrous! On that note, I will be unsubscribing from the grinch that is Lewys Ball.

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